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November 2, 2023

I MUST Be Perfect...Or Maybe Not…

By Barry Rudesill

This year, we had to do a Ropes Course inspection at Camp. Now, I (Barry) was the person who built the High Ropes Course; I also put the safety systems into the Climbing Tower; and, finally, I was the person who built the cable-based Low Ropes elements. In other words, an inspector was coming out to judge the quality of my work...and I was afraid.

Now I will admit that I was vaguely paranoid before beginning the project. If I put in a cable incorrectly, someone could literally die. Because of that, I read the newest Ropes Course Standards book...twice. I highlighted lines of text that I needed to keep in mind; I put tabs on critical pages; and I did everything I could to make sure that I was following all of the rules and regs...and I was afraid.

Then came THE day. The inspector showed up and we began to go through the course. There were some things that I knew would fail – we had harnesses that “aged out” this year and needed to be replaced prior to 2024. There were policies in our manuals that needed to be tweaked – we end up reviewing and revising them every year. But overall I hoped we would pass with flying colors...yet as we moved from one element to the next, I was afraid.

And then, the inspector commented on the first issue. Not very big, but a small board that needed replaced. Next, there was a nail sticking up on a wooden element. And then there were some cable clamps that needed replaced. The list went on. Now I wasn't just afraid, I was angry...at myself.

The thing you need to understand is that for many years I worked as a Builder / Inspector / Trainer for three different national ropes course vendors. I’ve built courses all over the United States; I’m familiar with the construction techniques, and I’ve even kept up on trends in the industry. (I’ve also been up in some VERY sketchy courses, but that’s a tale for another time!)

Based on my past experiences, if I was the inspector that was sent to my Camp and only found the errors this inspector did on our course, I would have congratulated them on how well they did! In fact, our inspector DID tell us that we had done a good job and that the errors she found were, for the most part, small and/or quick to repair.

Unfortunately, I had the expectation that I SHOULD know better because of my past training, and that expectation was unmet.

As I sit here and reflect on that situation, I can clearly see how the expectation of, “I SHOULD be perfect!” can mess people up. I also can clearly see how, when my expectation went unmet, I struggled with anger...and fear. And fear is such a critical part of my experience!

You see, for me, one of my biggest struggles is trying to be perfect, trying to measure up to some impossible standard in my own head. Since working on The Trek, it's become a lot easier to not have to be perfect; however I'd be lying if I said those thoughts NEVER happened anymore! Why? Because I've spent so many more years trying to be “perfect” than I have allowing myself the grace to fail.

Because of all that, when someone is coming in to judge me – or my work – then I struggle with the question, “What if I'm found lacking?” And when I AM found lacking – either by the other person or by the voices in my own head – what does that say about me?

This week, if you’re struggling with the expectation that you SHOULD be perfect, why not give yourself grace and allow yourself to be human, instead?

What I mean is that you can take a look at past mistakes, the ones that still haunt you – and some of you know exactly what I’m talking about – and do a Reality Check on them:

  • How realistic are/were your expectations?
  • What is/was the likelihood of your expectation becoming reality? (In other words, how much of it was due to your own abilities versus things outside of your control?)
  • Are/were your expectations yours to enforce? (Remember: you can’t control others and all circumstances!)

In my case, I did the best that I had with what I knew. Were there mistakes? Yes. Can I correct those mistakes? Actually, I’ve already fixed the ones that were in my control; and notified the people who need to repair the rest.

Now, I’m going to give myself the gift of grace, to allow me to be me, to look at my mistakes as learning opportunities, and to allow myself to be content with the work I did.

And some of you need to be doing that today, as well…

As always, we hope you enjoy your journey!

- The Trek

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