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February 8, 2022

Who Fixes Whom?

By Barry Rudesill

Okay, I need to confess something: I still don’t have life “all figured out”. Hopefully that’s not too much of a shock. (To the people who know me well, the response is probably, “Well, duh!”)

Today, I was driving back from town and reflecting on some of the big choices I’ve made in my life. Being kind of tired, it became easy to start thinking about the unhealthy choices and the repercussions – the way these choices can STILL affect me if I let them. (Nobody else has negative thoughts when they’re tired, do they?)

As I ran through these lists, I had a thought: “I wish I had a time machine and could go back, sit down with me, and explain how these choices will impact me in the future! If only he would change, I wouldn’t be facing these thoughts!”

Then, on the heels of that thought, another one hit me: “Why is the ‘past me’ responsible for fixing the ‘current me’?” (I almost had to pull the car over to process that thought!)

The past me, acting out of the information he had, made the choices he thought were best. Some were good; other were...not so much… And if I recognize those others as unhealthy NOW, it’s because I’m in a different place in my life. I’ve come to realize my unhealthy patterns, I’ve identified my unhealthy beliefs, and I’ve taken the steps to change them.

And this is something that the past me could never have done; he didn’t know any better! But there’s a trap here, and it’s a very subtle one: If I can blame my current struggles on my past self, then I am not responsible for my healing!

To be healthy, I need to “flip the script”. Instead of wishing that the past me wouldn’t have been “such an idiot” – that’s negative self-talk I’m directing at me, by the way! – I choose to make the healthy choices he didn’t; to seek the healing he couldn’t. Instead of blaming my self, I extend grace to the past.

As I become healthier, I write letters to that “past me” to explain to him how his choices affected me and to forgive him for what he did; after all, he didn’t know any better! Instead of relying on my past to fix my present; I use the tools and knowledge I have in the present to “talk” to my past; and I become stronger because of it.

Easy? No. Necessary? If I want to be healthy, I really DO need to make peace with my past, rather than avoiding it, blaming it, or allowing it to dominate my present.

Oh, and for those of you who are worried about the future, let me share with you a quote from an anime called “One Punch Man”. In it, the main character, Saitama, says one of the most profound lines I’ve heard in quite a while:

“I’ll leave tomorrow’s problems to tomorrow’s me.”

Instead of letting your cares for the past or your concerns for the future wreck your day, why not give yourself the gift of the present? (Yep, that’s a bad pun and all, but it’s still true!)

Anyhow, just wanted to share this story with you! From all of us at The Trek, we hope you enjoy your journey!

- The Trek

February 8, 2022

Who Fixes Whom?

By Barry Rudesill

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