The Trek

Home / Blog / Defining Yourself

March 16, 2022

Defining Yourself

By Barry Rudesill

So, our theme for this week is “Definitions”. If you’ve been through The Trek, then you know that “Definitions”, or what we also call “Core Beliefs”, are the foundational pieces of who we are.

If I believe that I am loved, I will think “loved”, act “loved”, and be able to share that love with others. If I believe that I am worthless, I will think “worthless”, act “worthless”, and use that definition to reject others or myself. Positive definitions build us up; negative definitions tears us down. Simply put, what I believe, deep down inside, creates my perceptions, my view of reality!

Now why did I decide to talk about it this week? Well, it all starts with a haircut…

I had to road-trip for a meeting this week and, when I looked in the mirror, I realized I was getting a little...shaggy. Unlike I usually do, I actually called ahead to book a time to get my haircut – I normally just show up and hope there’s room – and I found myself sitting in a chair and chatting with the stylist.

As we were talking, I was asked the dreaded question: What do you do for a living? To be honest, I never have found a really good answer to this! I can talk about The Trek, but how do you sum it up in a couple of sentences? (I’m open to suggestions here!) As I tried to come up with something clever, I simply said, “I run an online, self-help program.”

The lady paused, looked at me, and said, “How does that work?”

My response? Definitions! I said, “We all have definitions for our lives. If you grew up in a healthy family with positive, loving, and supportive adults, you may have a positive definition of who you are and what you can do. If you had positive, loving, and supportive friends, you can build on the positive definitions that your parents gave you. But, if you have negative experiences, if you’ve been hurt, if you’ve been neglected, if you’ve been called names or taught that you were unimportant, you may have negative definitions. And our definitions drive us! For example, if I believe I’m worthless, what will I act like?”

She thought for a moment – not cutting my hair – and then said, “I would act out in school. I would hate myself. Maybe suicide?”

“Exactly!” I responded. “And if you had positive definitions?”

“I would care for others, I would feel good about myself, and I would be…” Here she paused again, searching for the right word. (This was also turning into one of the longest haircuts I’ve ever had!) Finally, she looked up and said, “I would be healthy!”

“You’ve got it!” I said. “What The Trek does is help you sort through your life, find your definitions, identify the thoughts and behaviors that are driven by them, and change them if you want.”

There was another long pause – again without my hair being cut – then she said, “That makes total sense! If we focus on behaviors, not beliefs, then nothing changes. If we change that definition, we change...everything!” And then she finished cutting my hair, thanked me for sharing, and I left.

As I was driving home, I thought about that random conversation…

It sounds so simple, right? If we stop focusing on behaviors, turn our attention to our beliefs, and rewrite them, we can make significant, life-long change! And it’s true; if we change our beliefs we change our thoughts, and if we change our thoughts we change our behaviors!

However, the not-so-simple part of all of this is trying to figure out what new beliefs we want/need in our lives; what definition are we going to put in place of the unhealthy one that’s already there? And that’s where you have a choice!

Starting today, you get to decide who you are, how you will define yourself! Are you listening to the definitions given to you by others? If so, how’s that working out for you? If you want to change, maybe you need to take a look at the definitions in your life and rewrite them into words and phrases that are more healthy and affirming! At the end of the day, though, it’s your choice!

We hope you enjoy your journey!

- The Trek

March 16, 2022

Defining Yourself

By Barry Rudesill

More Blog Articles

About The Trek

Recent Blog Posts

Testimonials

Get in Touch