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February 23, 2024

Being Held Accountable

By Barry Rudesill

Okay, the past few weeks have been...crazy! I've spoken on nine separate occasions, edited over 200 pages of a project I’m working on for Camp, started writing my next book, developed over 80 pages of new Bridge-based content, made nine PowerPoint presentations, and created over 30 pages of journals.

In other words...I'm exhausted! I, who am a “night owl”, went to bed at 8:45 p.m. the other night. (My dogs were so confused, none of them joined me!)

Why am I telling you all of this? Because even though I say certain things when I teach The Trek, there are times when I don't live them out. Another way to say it is: My words don't match my actions. And which one is show the “true” me? My actions...always!

When what I say doesn't match what I do, then there's a disconnect. In this case, the disconnect is between when I tell people, “You need to be able to set – and hold – effective boundaries.”...and when I fail to set – and hold – effective boundaries in my own life. Even worse is the fact that I often sit and counsel people who, like me, get overwhelmed because they simply can't say “no”!

Now, it's easy to say, “Well, this is just for a short time.” That's true. “I'm not booked that heavily after this.” Also true. “I don't have to say “yes” all the time.” Yep. “I can say “no” when asked.” And that's where the disconnect occurs!

While I KNOW all of these things; on some level, I don't actually believe them, which is why I simply don't say “no”. So, what do we do with this?

Today, I'm going to suggest something that we do NOT cover much in The Trek program: being held accountable! What does that mean? Let me explain:

Simply put, an “accountability partner” is simply someone that I trust to hold me accountable. An accountability partner is someone who has my permission to be as honest – and blunt – as possible and/or necessary. They’re someone that I can speak honestly with, review my plans, and get constructive feedback from!

I’ve had people in my life – Hi Bill! – who have looked at me and said, “Barry, that’s a...dumb...idea!” And, because of their role in my life, I have to pause, think carefully about the situation and the choice(s) that I’m about to make, and reevaluate my decision.

For me, most of the times when an accountability partner called me out...they were right! I was too close, too emotional, too involved to see something clearly. Also, there have been times when my accountability partner has suggested alternative options; things that I would never have thought of or considered.

So, how do we go about “getting” an accountability partner? Let me give you some quick, basic steps:

Step One: Find someone you trust.

If you don’t trust them, you won’t listen to them. You need someone who you can ask real questions of and give real answers to. If you don’t trust them, you’ll never be able to communicate the way that you need to.

Step Two: Find someone who is truthful.

You’re not looking for someone who will agree with everything you say and do. Instead, you’re trying to find someone who will speak the truth to you, even if it hurts.

Step Three: Explain to them what you’re trying to do.

In my case, I’m trying to make sure I keep my schedule under control. I don’t mind being busy, but I don’t want to burn myself out. More importantly, I don’t ever want to be give less than my best for the people and groups I DO work with!

Step Four: Ask them if they would be willing to hold you accountable.

I know this seems easy, but we need to know if they’re willing to get involved or not. By the way, if they say “no”, don’t take it as a rejection; instead, keep trying. For example, if you asked me to be your accountability partner, I might say “no” just because I’m trying to get my own schedule under control! It’s not a problem with you; it’s a problem with me!

Step Five: Set the rules.

In my case, to help me with scheduling, I might share my calendar with my accountability partner. We could meet weekly to discuss my upcoming calendar. I may require them to give me permission to add speaking engagements to my list. Whatever the terms are, we both need to agree to them and agree to actually DO them!

Step Six: Find a time to meet.

If you assume that you’ll meet with your accountability partner “whenever”, what you really mean is “never”. Schedule a time to sit down – preferably on a regular basis – and have a conversation.

We say it a lot in The Trek, but you don’t have to live life alone. We are always stronger together than on our own; and an accountability partner may give you the encouragement and the strength you need to make healthy changes in your own life.

Unfortunately, for now, I need to run! (But I think I’ll stop and pet my dogs for a bit before I do…)

We hope you enjoy your journey!

- The Trek

February 23, 2024

Being Held Accountable

By Barry Rudesill

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