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August 18, 2022

Wearing Hats

By Barry Rudesill

Hey All! Sorry I haven’t posted in a bit. We have a bunch of irons in the fire – some quite literally (I’ll explain that at some later time) – and we’re trying to launch a bunch of updates to The Trek in the following weeks.

Today, however, I finally had time to sit down and write a blog post. And this post is based on a conversation I had. I hope you’ll understand why I’m not going to give you any information about the family I’m referring to.

Recently, I had the opportunity to talk with someone about...life. After they had discussed some of the problems they were dealing with – and these were legitimate concerns – I asked my favorite question: “So, how are you doing?”

That’s a simple question, right?

Well, if you’ve hung out with me before, you know that if you respond with words like “fine” and “good” you’re probably going to be challenged. Why? Because I don’t generally ask how someone is doing if I don’t want to know; and those simple, one-word answers usually aren’t “real”.

This person thought about it for a moment and then started telling me about their children and the struggles they were going through. I know these children and think they’re awesome, so I let them talk for as long as they wanted. In the end, they gave me a good answer...to the wrong question.

After about ten minutes, this person stopped and looked at me. “Okay, why are you smiling?”

I looked at this person and said, “I just wanted to ask one simple question: how are you doing?”

They blinked, thought about it, and then laughed. “I didn’t answer your question, did I? I spent my time talking about my kids.”

This person then went on to discuss the struggles of being a homeowner, the challenges of the economy, and how they worried about a lot of different issues in their life. Another good answer...but still the wrong question!

After another ten minutes, this person stopped and looked at me...again. “What?” they asked. “I’m answering your question!”

I shook my head. “Let me ask you one more question: how are YOU doing?”

They opened their mouth and closed it. Then you could see the light bulb come on...and they burst into tears. At that point, we had a real conversation…

Don’t get me wrong, the answers this person gave were real, they were honest, and in many ways they were necessary and relevant! But in the end, the answers missed the point!

When I ask people how they’re doing, I frequently get answers that involve being a parent, being the “bread-winner”, being a child, and more. These are all hats that most of us wear. Unfortunately, they aren’t WHO we really are. Instead, they’re things that we can use to distract us from looking inside of us to see what’s really going on deep down!

If you want to know who you are and how you’re doing, try to sit down today and answer the question, “How are you doing?” Write it out on a piece of paper. Every time you write one of your “hats”, cross it off. Instead, focus on...you!

Let me give you an example of what I mean. Instead of writing, “I’m a terrible father!”, think about you, not your role! Instead of talking about being a father, write, “I’m feeling like a failure!” While it may seem a small distinction, it can make a HUGE difference in how we learn to see ourselves.

Today, take off your hats, focus on you, and figure out how you’re doing. You may be surprised at what you find!

As always, we hope you enjoy your journey!

- The Trek

August 18, 2022

Wearing Hats

By Barry Rudesill

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